This hit on so many familiar notes to me. My first boyfriend hated going down on me, and therefore was bad at it. He said there were too many “fluids” down there, and he spent five minutes wiping them off my vulva before he’d put his mouth on me. I asked him if it tasted bad, and he said the same thing your ex did, it just tastes “different. “ Like you said, I went down on him without complaining, sweaty balls, salty penis, bitter pre-cum and all.

Long after we’d broken up, a good friend of mine dated one of his best friends. We had a conversation that went kind of like this:

“So Greg and I were talking about X. You know he’s married now, right?”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He said he will not go down on his wife. He apparently blames it on you. He said you scarred him from wanting to give oral sex.” She rolled her eyes and laughed, thinking I would find it funny.

I was ENRAGED. SO ANGRY. My vagina apparently was so terrible that it kept him from going down on his own wife! He was using me as a reason to not pleasure his wife or be conscious of her needs. I wanted to burst out crying it hurt so bad.

I told my current husband about that when we first started being intimate. His response was to tell me that I taste delicious, smell wonderful and that he loves every part of me. To say the least, our sex life is great because of that and many other things. Now I just feel sorry for X’s wife. Maybe he should fuck a mango and let her find someone who appreciates her body more than he does.

Coffee snob. Horror writer. Tall. Polyamorous, pansexual, queer nerd.

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